Less than 12 hours to reach my home... after 2 months, I'm finally back again.
2 practical papers have just over. Thank God that I can finally practice my escapism from this ridiculously hectic life.
This godforsaken place turns more horrible as each day passes.
And I have begun to curse it more as the killing frenzy grows.
The stress and tension that come would never end.
And the days here cause me a serious deprivation of hopes and anticipation for tomorrows, especially when there is exam going around.
If you were to ask why? Then I can tell you.
There is no doubt that there are lots of fascinating facilities here (at least when it's compared with the previous place that I went to). I never deny that it scores well in the aspect of material comforts, but I gotta curse it the spiritual part to the final bits.
Taking the scenario as a week before the exam (or mock exam as you like):
In the beginning, everyone around seemed so innocent and sincere. I still remember when they were asked whether they had finished studying for the coming test, they always answered you (in damn convincing tone) with "HAIZZZZZZZ... I have run out of time you know!!! But still I fail to finish the syllabus!!!" or "OF COURSE NOT!!! I've been watching drama and reality shows in my room for the whole past few days!!! Can't imagine how am I going to survive in the harsh trial later!!!".
OK so you took that as an assurance... and what happened the next? Guess what? When you got back your test paper you'd be startled, by all the marks which weren't proportional to their "tiny amount of effort".
At first I couldn't really fathom this conundrum so my conclusion was that there are some people who are naturally really really smart that they need only to strive a little in order to achieve an excellent grade.
As the game continues to go on I never stop contemplating the answer.
I forgot since when I revealed the stark reality, but I am pretty sure that from a certain period onwards I never ever hold faith in this place again, for its everything including all the hypocrites.
Sometimes I think that it might not be their problems, but I myself was just too credulous back then.
Once I thought I could find true friendship in another stage of life, and this would be something that is going to brighten up my plain days after leaving a place with endless meaningful memories.
But I was wrong, and completely ignorant.
Now I seriously condemn myself for once owning a perspective that perhaps college "friends" could really replace the emptiness left behind in my social life after all friends have proceeded to a new chapter in their own life.
Nobody is not wearing a mask here. I guess it is a necessity for survival in this chaotic place, in this turbulent time.
Even though we are used to have meals, to gossip and joke, to hang out occasionally, to discuss lessons together; but when a thing known as EXAM steps in this circle, everything goes haywire.
Or should I say, everything goes back to normal because this is the actual way of how we are supposed to behave here?
Exam tears off every single mask irrespective of the quality. And you'll be startled, by all the true faces beneath.
I wonder why is it so hard to tell others that you've been studying hard for the exam.
Does this result in a drastic drop of your IQ? Or does this cost you an A for a particular paper?
In addition to this, such individuals always love to label those who honestly admit that they're doing so as "KIA SU", meaning "fear of losing" or rather "the dog in the manger". At the same time the former would spitefully distract others through their "relaxing appearance" in hope that other people would slack off, leaving more advantages in the exam reserved for themselves.
And I don't understand why are some people capable of studying until 2am and waking up at 5am later just to face the books again??
Oh it's sheer ridiculous. What a terrifying fact that is beyond my expectation as well as imagination.
These revolting phenomenons are just part of this pressure cooker. I don't feel like continue describing anymore as I feel that my anger and resentment have all been vented for now.
As I'll be reaching home in less than 10 hours, I wish that such negative matters will not spoil my good mood. I'm just going to forget about everything here and embrace my hometown again.
Meanwhile I am going to prepare for the next round of exam in this end of May, but I swear that I will do this with my own way, my best own way.
I'm so happy that this exam marks the end of my second semester, meaning that only 2 more to go on before this entire course finishes.
The only main goal in my current life is to study hard and leave this place as soon as possible.
To escape from this frenzy.
